Learning to move on from a bad situation

Noted screenwriter Aaron Sorkin (A Few Good Men, Sports Night, the West Wing, The Social Network) taught me the two most important questions of my professional and personal lives: “where are we going?” and “what’s next?” These two questions are critical to the process of self-evaluation and evolution. In the many years in which I’ve been in business for myself, I’ve grown accustomed to asking the first question, but recently I’ve learned the value of the second and the true power of “next.”

First, some background: I’ve felt largely disappointed and underwhelmed by a lot of stuff in my life in the past few months; personal relationships faltered or never materialized, I lost a handful of clients for various reasons and earlier in the year I had to resign from a job that was very near and dear to my heart but had rotted from the inside out due to bad partnerships and poor planning. This week, I found out that I may be losing my weekly DJ gig (which brings in consistent money and gives me something fun to do once a week) and now it seems as if I may have to walk away from another job because of a lot of outside forces out of my control.

The past few years, in fact, have been quite rough with the loss of another business (when my partner left to go and pursue other things) and what I call my “Year of 10 Deaths” – a 13-month period in which I attended 10 funerals for various friends and family members who ran the age gamut from infant to elderly. Add to that a growing list of complications that relate to my father’s struggle with Parkinson’s disease and it’s safe to say it’s been a very rough few years.

I mention all of this not as a call for sympathy or to set any examples, but simply as qualification that I know what a rough patch feels like.

I’ve recently joined a dear friend to record some material for a forthcoming podcast and discuss the ramifications of “next.” You see, “next” is a central component of his Buddhist philosophy and it’s quickly becoming part of my daily routine. The eternal darkness of an introspective mind is that it’s easy to dwell on the past, the irony of nostalgia being that those who forget the past are not the only ones doomed to repeat it.

“Where am I going?” and “what’s next” are two connected questions. One forces introspection and evaluation, the other promotes preparation and embraces the future. What’s more, since I started employing “next” as a mechanism for situational improvement in the past few months, I’ve learned that it can be the best way to approach a bad situation. It’s positive, it’s progressive and it helps you maintain momentum in those situations where a hurdle can slow you down.

Over the weekend, when I got news that my DJ gig might disappear because of personnel changes at the venue, I immediately thought of “next.” When I truly contemplated the loss of one of my current jobs, instead of stressing over it or the added financial strain that this will put on an already economically threadbare time for me, I still found comfort in the thought of the end of one thing giving way to something new.

Asking yourself, “what’s next?” really can be a powerful tool for moving on from any situation. It’s a great question to ask when you’re nearing the completion of one goal or project to keep you agile and prepared for the follow-up, and it can be an exceptional tool for training yourself not to wallow in self-pity or disappointment.

“Next” is an empowering question one can ask to avoid wasting their life in regret. Instead of looking to the past for answers, look to yourself for them, and then welcome the questions that come up in your future with a stronger footing in the present. I strongly encourage everyone to ask yourself two questions right now…

“Where am I going?”

and

“What’s next?”